By Speech and Language Therapist, Claire Blagden
Book Details
Ben gets a present. He opens it and inside is a penguin. Keen to have lots of fun with his new friend, Ben says, “Hello Penguin” but Penguin says nothing.
Author Polly Dunbar has entertainingly illustrated some of the very typical (and sometimes very strange) things we do as adults to try to help children talk. The story of Penguin highlights just how difficult speaking can be for some children and that we don’t always know the reasons why.
Ben tries everything he can think of to make his new friend speak, including;
Asking questions: “Can’t you talk?”
Being silly: blowing raspberries, tickling and even ignoring him.
Coaxing: “Will you talk to me if I stand on my head?”
Penguin does not say a word.
Ben’s frustration builds and builds…. Penguin can sense it. Until eventually, Penguin’s steadfast silence tips Ben over the edge. Ben loses all sense of rationality and has a full meltdown demanding that Penguin says something. There follows a twist in the tale, which sees Ben and Penguin have an extraordinary encounter with a big blue lion who eats Ben in the blink of an eye for being too noisy. Penguin (still silent) bravely rescues Ben from the lion’s belly and their very special friendship is cemented. This is the catalyst for a change in their relationship, from one of expectation and uncertainty to love and security and where (much to Ben’s relief) Penguin opens up and tells Ben EVERYTHING.
How does this relate to Speech and Language skills?
The entire process of talking; from first words to full sentences is very complex and most of the time we don’t think about it unless we encounter a problem. Picture this very familiar scenario; at home your child never stops talking. You go out to meet a friend, your child hides behind you and doesn’t say a word. You encourage them to look and prompt them kindly: “Say hello”. Your child turns away, grips your leg tighter and buries their face into your coat. At this point you might feel a little awkward, you don’t want people to think your child is being rude so you might say something like; “come on, don’t be silly, you can say hello can’t you?” Or maybe a grandparent or another family member has come to visit and you notice your child goes from being a chatterbox to being reluctant to answer all granny’s questions. Or maybe you are a teacher? You know Sally can talk because you’ve seen her talk to her friends at playtime but she won’t answer the register or speak to you in class. This kinds of scenario can result in a bit of a stalemate. It can feel very worrying to see such a change in a child’s behavior too.
When in a situation where we are not sure what to do, adults sometimes say or do things that they wouldn’t ordinarily if they’d had time to think about it a bit more. For example, Ben tries every trick in the book to get Penguin to speak which only makes Penguin more anxious about talking but Ben hasn’t considered this.
Some of the phrases below might sound familiar to you. Maybe you’ve said them or have heard someone else say a similar thing?
“Have you forgotten how to talk?”
“He’s just being a bit shy today”
“If you don’t say thank you, you won’t be able to come to play again”
“Grandma will think you are rude if you don’t say bye bye”
Can you spot what all these phrases have in common? Well, they all carry a weight of expectation for the child to speak on demand. Most of us can relate to feeling similar anxieties as young people. Remember that time in school when you were dreading being the one picked to answer a question in class?
So.. what can you say or do instead?
It’s a relatively simple formula. Try to ‘say what you would like your child to say’ (but please don’t ask them to say it).
Back to the earlier scenarios…
Instead of “Say hello” you could say “Oh look, there’s Lucy. Hi Lucy! Hi, we are glad to see you”. Instead of “Say thank you” you could say “I bet you had lots of fun, thank you for playing together”. Instead of “Say bye bye” you could say “Bye bye Grandma, see you soon, bye bye” (cue lots of enthusiastic waving).
You can also use comments instead of asking questions to create opportunities for children to speak if they want to. This removes some of the pressure or expectation for the child to respond straightaway.
Instead of “What did you do at school today?” you could say “I bet you had a busy day, I’d love to know what you did”.
In schools, instead of “Who can tell me..?” you could say “Who would like to show me..” and give children alternative ways of participating that don’t rely solely on speech.
Try not to ask questions, bribe, coax or even gently encourage ‘on demand speech’. It’s not useful as a strategy for encouraging children to use language, in fact it can have quite the opposite effect (and you avoid getting eaten by a lion so it’s a win-win).
Some children are naturally quieter than others, as are lots of adults. We live in a society that rewards extroverts but let’s remember that not all of us enjoy being center stage. The same goes for children too. As early as pre-school, children are rewarded for putting up their hands to speak, to be active participants in a busy language-rich environment, but not all children will want to get involved in these outward displays of confidence. It’s easy to forget this and focus on trying to develop children’s ‘confidence’ as something others can see rather than focusing on building confidence through acceptance and respect for a child’s very individual personality and character.
NB: If you notice a persistent pattern of differences in your child’s speaking habits in different places, or if you have a child in your setting who you feel is more than ‘just a bit quiet’ please contact a Speech and Language Therapist to discuss. We will be able to give you advice and recommend further help if needed.
Penguin, written and illustrated by Polly Dunbar
